Tuesday, January 19, 2010
“Listen,” I found myself shouting back at the TV, “unless you have a dick, you need to stay out of this conversation!”
In a similar fashion, I believe those with no ovaries (or a history thereof) have no business speaking out against abortion. And while we’re off the topic, if you’re against gay marriage, then don’t have one and shut the hell up.
I swear I wasn’t going to write about this, but there was something about these idiots that got me going. Okay, I’m not approving Tiger’s behavior, but let’s restore a bit of perspective to the conversation:
The Bible tells us Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. His more monkish father David, by contrast, made do with a mere eight wives that we know of and 10 concubines. God apparently had no problem with quantity, as we hear through the prophet Nathan: “ ... and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things."
We don’t need several branches of science to know what men are built for, but we have them anyway, and the ancient Hebrews had a practical insight into this. But there were limits, and a large part of what makes the Bible so fascinating is the constant tug of war between the way we are made and the way we need to behave. To return to David:
“I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house,” said God through Nathan.
Back to Tiger. Being the best golfer in the world sounds decidedly un-Biblical, but today’s highly successful athlete (or media star or politician or business person) would have been yesterday’s warrior. And as we know from the Bible, success in battle was catnip to the opposite sex:
“When David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing ...”
I have no insight into this. Had I lived in ancient Israel, I’m sure I would have settled into a routine of predictable domesticity. Which translates into no singing and dancing women every time I went into town to pick up a loaf of bread. Lord knows, in my modern existence I am not exactly fending off tall blonde women trying to hop into my 1992 Tercel.
“I can resist anything but temptation,” said Oscar Wilde. The fact that temptation rarely presents itself to me does not make me a moral person. Once in a blue moon during my marriages and relationships I have had occasion to choose smart over stupid. But the difference between my world and Tiger’s is the difference between politely turning away a Jehovah’s Witness at the door and fending off wave after wave of Kamikaze pilots. I’m trying to imagine all those tall blondes hanging out by my Tercel. Sorry, God. No chance in hell.
Tiger is currently in a Mississippi clinic, reportedly being treated for sex addiction. My guess is therapy would be helpful for Tiger, but for sex addiction? On which side of the equation does abnormal truly belong?
As the Bible says: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”