Thursday, July 8, 2010

Rerun: Advice to a New Grandson - Part II

The last week in July, I head down to New Zealand to see my grandchild, Little Teddy, for the first time. I wrote this in late Sept, a day or two after my daughter informed me I was now a granddad ...

As you know, I just became a proud granddad, which moves me up in status to Wise Elder in the clan. I'm taking my new duties very seriously. Following is my second installment ...
  1. There is no excuse for dancing like a white man.
  2. A good poop is way better than mediocre sex.
  3. What most people call a God experience, scientists call dopamine.
  4. That doesn’t mean God is not real.
  5. We elude happiness far more than happiness eludes us.
  6. God has a sense of humor. Trust me, every day you will do something to make Him snort milk out His nose.
  7. Good enough is not good enough.
  8. Friends are a way better investment than money.
  9. The oldest known redwood is 2,200 years old. An idiot with a chainsaw only needs one day.
  10. Napoleon lost an entire army in north Africa and an entire army in Russia. Still, he had no trouble recruiting volunteers for Waterloo. Go figure.
  11. You are a book responsible for your own cover. Expect people to judge you.
  12. God has a funny way of treating people He loves most. Just ask Joan of Arc.
  13. Thoreau danced to a different drummer, but he also died a virgin.
  14. Ration your hate. Don’t indulge.
  15. It’s okay to curse God. But tread lightly when blaming fellow humans.
  16. Good teachers make you think, not tell you what to think.
  17. If you suck up to the rich and powerful, you won’t have to do your own laundry. If you do your own laundry, you won’t have to suck up to the rich and powerful.
And finally ...

You are two days old. Breasts are the center of your existence. You and I have a lot in common.

With love ...

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