Is The Government Spying on Those with Schizophrenia Enough?

This from the Onion: The government needs to do more to help individuals with paranoid schizophrenia, such as implant devices in their heads so voices can tell them which bus drivers hate them and which manholes are covering up underground government prisons.

On a serious note, too many of us have bitter experiences of well-intentioned people charged with helping us doing the very opposite: Threatening restraints, not listening, telling us we will never work again, making us feel like outsiders ...

Have a good laugh, then when you're through laughing ...

The Onion: 98% Of Babies Bipolar

According to a Science and Technology news brief in yesterday's The Onion:

"A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder."

According to The Onion:

"'The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next,' the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters."

Additionally ...

"'We found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression.'"

Not only that ...

"Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson's disease."

Readers may recall that in May 2001, The Onion broke the story, "God Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder," noting that:

"In a diagnosis that helps explain the confusing and contradictory aspects of the cosmos that have baffled philosophers, theologians, and other students of the human condition for millennia, God, creator of the universe and longtime deity to billions of followers, was found Monday to suffer from bipolar disorder."